I Can't Do It Anymore

I can't do it anymore. I can't remember and hurt. I can't have my stomach in knots everytime I think of you, or hear your name. I can't feel the sickening feeling of loss after each break in contact. I can't know that there are things I don't know and probably don't want to. I can't deal with the fact that you cut me off and wont even give me a chance to explain myself. I can't remember how it felt and then know you've taken it away without giving me a chance to have a say in the matter. I can't deal with the memories creeping back everytime I go through things that once belonged to you. I can't have boxes unopened because your stuff is in them. I can't heal while knowing there is a reason you did all of this and you wont give it to me. I can't handle not being able to breathe without you here. I can't push forward knowing it was the pushing forward that drove you away. I can't smile when I'm feeling so miserable inside. I can't hold it together when I'm falling apart inside without you. I can't continue to wait for your decision when it leaves me physically ill. I can't keep doing this! I know what I've seen, I know what I've felt, I know the answer I got. Lord grant me the strength to survive this I pray, but I can't do it forever. My body wont let me.