Friday, November 8, 2013

There's Just Not Enough SciFi in the World

I am a horrible friend. I forget to return phone calls, I miss birthdays, I vent to the wrong person. I have made the mistake of having private conversations in public places, and public conversations in such a way that it sounds like what it is not. I have done many things wrong as a friend. I am always thankful for the people who are willing to stick around despite these faults. That there are people who will see you're trying, and that you don't always mean all the things you do wrong. People will do wrong things to you. They will be horrible friends. They will say mean things, and they will forget you from time to time. The best of friends are the ones who don't take it all personally. They are the ones who wont use you, and wont allow themselves to be used. Yet there is an unfailing faith in humanity. Despite all these short comings. It's strange that we can look past some of these things and still feel warm and fuzzy about people. We tend to shy away and remain casual friends with the people who ignore us the most. I can only hope that in some way my misdeeds will be forgiven. That the people I have wronged by embarrassing them, or ignoring them, or whatever I did will be forgiven. Adults aren't much more than children with better control over their tantrums. I feel like we use our words more, but we still say things that are untrue. We hurt each other and we do it on purpose. For what purpose and to what end I do not know. Some of the best friends that I have been able to call mine are the people who can look past the words. They are willing to hear out both sides and attempt to understand where the hurt feelings are coming from, and why we might react the way we do. I hope at some point I can be as wonderful as these people. That despite all the words I have used wrongly, despite all the things people have said about me, that I will be able to overcome these things and show to those casual friends that I am a person of quality. For me it begs the question of whether it is more important to be a person of quality, or a good person. Some will argue that they are the same. I have met good people who were not quality people. They had all the markings of good people. They gave to others, they spoke highly of their friends, they outwardly seemed to be the best of people! Including good family values. Then, with a little provoking, they will turn around and say some of the meanest, ugliest things. Regardless of whether they are true they are not needed. Quality humans will leave the negative things unsaid. They will allow others to formulate there opinions, and allow the person who has wronged them to prove of themselves whether they are truly a bad person. Good people very seldom allow others to make their own opinions. They offer verbal proof, and pass judgement and create a person that may or may not exist. I will admit that I have been a good person up to this point. Perhaps now that I am beginning to understand the difference between just being good, and being a person of quality I can change. Make the needed adjustments in my life to become a person of quality. One who will allow others to experience another human being on their own terms. What is not for me may be for another. Casual friends may become close, and those who have been damaged by my mistakes may one day become friends. Hopefully there will be a point in my life when I can be both a Good and Quality person. hopefully before My children will be negatively affected by my current failings.