Saturday, July 31, 2010

Are We There Yet?

I had a massage instructor who had the best answer to that question. "You're already there, you just haven't arrived.". Seriously, Think about that for just a moment. Those of people with an eternal perspective probably catch on far quicker than those without. I have every bit of confidence everyone will catch it though.

We are already there. Our bodies, and minds know exactly where our choices are going even if our hearts don't. We come to this Earth with everything needed to heal ourselves. Heal emotionally and physically. Our 'energy' permiates the world around us so deeply that it can be photographed. We sense things and know that there are people who are endlessly important to us. Chance encounters that give us a 'gut feeling' that we've known this person before. Almost like there is a piece of us living out this life before we even get there. In the end we all die. Some of us die faster than the rest of you, but it is the great equalizer. No one escapes death. It's hands are not cold, they are liberating. Death brings us to our final destination. The point in time that we have been striving to arrive at. The blessed moment when all that we are, ever have been, and could become is ours. We struggle and strain, we work and toil, we labor ceaselessly to arrive at a point. Death opens the door we've been knocking on and checks us in. I doubt that any of us are truely ready to arrive. We think we are so prepared, we believe we have it all down, but the moment we see the warm light from the other side of deaths door we wince knowing we weren't quiet ready. How can this be? simple. . . We're already there, we just haven't arrived. We know before the door opens what lies on the otherside. We've spent our whole lives either frittering away and not arriving, or walking towards what we know is there. So, the next time someone asks "Are we there yet?" the answer should be " We're already there, We just haven't arrived.".

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Currently Epic

In the currently epic words of Live ". . . Burnt to the core but not broken. . " I have passed my nationals exam and can now add LMT ,or CMT to my name. I have lost my marriage, my friend, my future lover, my apitite, and my will. I aparently am burnt to the core, but not broken.
In Wine country there is a little known ritual that usually escapes anyone who doesn't actually grow the grapes, or live there long enough to see a truely devistating fire. If there is a fire the first thing you do is try to put it out and stop it from burning everything( yes I know that's cow sense, but hear me out). The second thing you do is check the vines that have been burnt to see if the fire reached to the core, or if it has left the roots and stock intact. If the stock is still good you can expect to have new leaves next year, and new grapes soon after. If it is burnt through you must check the roots. If the root is still good the plant can be salvaged. It is a long arduous process and it takes many many years to recover the fruit. You may not be submitting wine at next years wine tasting, but you will be able to recover the thing you love. . . Your vineyard. I am burnt. I am burnt past the outer layers and into my core. I hurt, I bleed, I cry, I pray, I lament, I mourn, I am burnt. Passing this exam proves that there is a sign of life. A root that is still good. It will be many years before fruit is produced, but in the mean time there will be subsiquent signs of life. They will be small, and even I may miss them from time to time. I have no idea what to do besides do what had been planed. To not deviate from the mission plan and continue trudging forward like nothing has changed. To show that I am standing, and have been standing, on my own. That I survive everything that happens no matter how deeply it burns. To prove that even if I may not have seemed like I was worth it before, I AM the best thing that will ever happen to you. You will NOT forget me. I will haunt the most quiet moments of your day, and the most silent beatings of your heart. I will be there. Because roots reach far deeper into our souls. I will not be there in anger, but in love. In pure, uninhibited, unconditional love. The kind of love that heals us when we have nothing left to give. The kind of love that pours energy into our being when we open ourselves to it. The kind of love that accepts our mistakes and tells us that we are loved anyway. THAT is how I will be felt. With the surest knowledge that the plant, and the fruit are good. That putting the effort into the vineyard to recover the plant is more important than replacing it with a new one. It will be hard work, but it will pay off. And the gratitude of a plant who's been tended, and loved after this kind of a disaster is one hundredfold every time.

Burnt to the core, but not broken.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


To every man I have ever loved who has never loved me back,

I'm sorry that I could not satisfy your lust for female flesh. I'm never going to understand the selfishness of your rejection. to lead me on and then tell me to go away? that doesn't seem very decent at all. The fact that you couldn't just make your intentions known was hurtful, and mean. There are girls who would have been very receptive to your advances. They would have jumped at the chance to just be your bedmate. If the fact that I wanted a companion wasn't in your plan all you had to do was tell me. I don't mind at all! In fact I perfer the honesty. I suppose that the biggest part of all this is the fact that I can get pretty attached quickly. I know that that is intimidating and can be overwhelming. For that, I am sorry. I only hope that at sometime you will be mature enough to realize that girls like me are few and far between. That we don't come very often. That the loyalty that we have learned is the best form of love you will find. I forgive you for breaking my heart, and being the jerk/player that you are. Deb... just plain, simple 'ol Deb.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Super Heros and Demi-Gods

I have had the opportunity to discover that I truely do live in the greatest country in the world. Most people leave the country and come back with a profound sense of humility and wax elliquent about how much we could learn from these foriegn countries. Leave it to me to come home sauntering back with an ego the size of Texas.
I feel that our super hero's are a reflection of what we know to be great. We see the best in ourselves and cling to these DC created demi-gods. The most supernal aspects of our culture as Americans are colorfully portrayed on the canvas of chemically treated comics. These superhuman super heros are always American, or at least given to an American family. They are our divine alter ego's, whos world saving actions have been performed by soldiers and citizens for centuries. We have saved Europe from it's tiranical exploits. We have stood-up to the mass-murdering geneocides, and protected the underdogs from extinction(Convenient since I'm a dog person). We have assymilated millions of refugies who flee their country illegally. We educate, medicate, feed, clothe, and allow them to strip billions from our economy and send it back home. We have stopped Europes blood-lettings in WW1 and WW2 before tending to our own wounds. We ARE the Spidermans, Batmans, Supermen, and Wonderwomen of the world. We have always been this. It probably wont change until our "older siblings" can remember their mistakes and admit that we totally saved their trash.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Nothing is a Mistake

If we are to believe that mistakes don't happen and everything happens for a reason. . . Than we are made wiser by our discomfort and mare more empathetical, a better shoulder to cry on and a better ear to listen. That being said; the question of whether a practicle knowledge is required to truely understand the depths of others emotions is unreasonable. Is there not a supernal instinct that tells us to what degree another feels an emotion. It gives us moments to reference and memories to help spurn the emotions within ourselves. That we must undergo the same identical moments in time is like asking someone to give you the perspective of another. It will never be exactly the same, nor should it. If we claim a divine nature than the question is moot. We need not see exactly what someone else see's to know it's their vision. To call them a liar as they recount what they see is naive and childish. We see what we see, and experience what we experience. Our paradigm colored by the filters we were born with based on personality and upbringing. Our rights to personal revelation and personal interpretation do not limit our vision. Simply make it different.
So then why are they not mistakes. If they are not neccissary? and when we are in the moment how are we to indulge in enjoying it, or thoughtfully ponder it's greater ramifications? Do we savor the emotions and the sensations? Perhaps we should be more stoic and not indulge the emotional side of the brain at all. Contemplating the number of broken promises, broken hearts,and otherwise painful outcomes it would indeed make sense. Indulging in the beauty and rapture of the senses does have is benefits that is certain. So the Supernal gift we received to know and understand others emotions should also guide us in determining when these sensual moments should be taken. It is still a mystery as to whether or not these moments are mistakes until after they've been taken. But are they truly mistakes at all. They do often guide us to people and places we would never have otherwise encountered. Perhaps they are only mistakes is we regret having done them.

Gods and Goddesses in Embryo

There are theories about the origins of man. About God and Man. But whether the demons are real or ficticious explainations about why some of us carry bigger demons than others seem to ellude us. They strangle us and control us. Yet some how we manage the courage to fight back. Almost as if we believe that in fighting we will earn our birth right. We give our souls in the fight and pray with an almost blind hope that God will recognize our efforts and save our souls regardless of the lost war. That our birth right will still be ours and the cost will have been paid in full.
To be stripped of your rights. Your birthright. People can believe in some of the most arcaic things. But the moment you tell them you believe in a divine birth right and a divine order YOU'RE the one stuck in the dark ages. It would be easier if you were. There are not dragons to steal your livelihood. No dark knights waiting to condemn you. It is only an unseen foe. A battle of the mind and will. You'll be luck to get out with your soul let alone your birthright. The enemy is advanced and has experience beyond our mortal comprehension in the skills of war and eternal combat.