A Controversy Waiting for the Storm of Comments.

SO! while listening to frozen for the millionth time I was struck by the message about mental illness that appears moderately hidden. In the scene where Anna finally finds Elsa in the ice castle and they do the singing back and forth... think about whats happening; Elsa is having an anxiety attack/mental break down/depressive episode/whatever your mental illness is issue. She's been conditioned to be ashamed of her mental illness. So she's doing a lot of self-talk, and not at all listening to Anna. although she is very much aware of Anna's presence she is completely ignoring what Anna is saying/communicating. No really. Watch it. It's like Anna isn't even singing. Then there's Anna. confronting a mental illness she didn't know her sister had until recently. She has never faced a mental illness before. She has literally NO idea what she's doing, but she's attempting to tell Elsa that she is loved, and wanted, and most importantly not alone. She is literally walking towards Elsa with out stretched arms in an attempt to help. She WANTS to help. Her efforts are unrecognized, but she persists. the entire time using calming, loving language both physically and verbally. She gets struck by ice, the movie moves on. The thing that struck me was how often I have listened/watched this scene and thought "dude, if Elsa would just shut up she'd figure it out!".... but that's just it. In the throws of your mental illness you CAN'T just shut-up the self-talk and listen. Your brain is hardwired to NOT listen. There could be a bullhorn pressed against your ear at full volume, and you wouldn't be able to hear a thing being said. And that is in no way your fault. Let me repeat that; Not being able to hear those who love you tell you that very thing is NOT your fault. You're too tired to hear us, and we know that. We just want you to know that we're tired too. We're not giving up, we're just sitting with you... tired. It's exhausting for BOTH parties. It's exhausting to try and function with a mental illness. It's exhausting to NOT function with a mental illness. To be left physically unable to carry on the basic life sustaining functions. It is also exhausting to constantly be reaching out with love to someone who can't hear you. Some of us trying to help those who have mental illnesses are just as tired as you are. and we are not unaware. We're just not being listened to. No one is wrong, or at fault. It is the unfortunate nature of the beast that is mental illness. We recognize that fact and we still reach out. We're trying to help you. We want you to "come down the mountain TOGETHER..". We want you to take part in the world and society with us. It's why it's so important for more than one person to reach out if possible. Because eventually someone CAN drown out the self-talk. Olaf eventually was able to reach Elsa. It didn't change Anna's love for her sister, or how much she supported her, but it did make a difference in that it helped Elsa to stop and listen to Anna. We all just have to find that person who can drown out our self-talk so we can hear all the people trying to love us. I've seen a lot of those "what people with anxiety want you to know", or "what people with depression want you to know" posts on social media. Well let me give you another one. What people who DON'T have a mental illness want you to know: -We're aware you're suffering. You're not "yourself", and we know it. -When we say "it's ok", we don't mean that you're ok and you should stop having your illness. We're saying "it's ok to not be ok. I'm here for you no matter what."(yes, we suck with our words in the moment.) -We're kinda tired of the world assuming we're unaware that mental illness is a big deal, and a real issue. We know it is. We just don't have it, and have never had it, and will probably never experience it so we can't read your mind. Or body language. Or social disassociation. It's not within our power to logic that. If you don't tell us you have anxiety we have very little clue that standing at your front door with a surprise would cause you to have an anxiety attack. We thought it would be a fun surprise. -We love you. We want to love you. We want you to listen to us love you, instead of your negative self-talk. -we're not perfect either. We're going to make mistakes in dealing with you, and mental illness. (see above comment about not having it.). We're willing to keep trying, but you have to let us. You have to "shut-up and listen Elsa!", or none of our efforts will mean a thing. -We're tired too. And that's ok. Now don't think I'm all up on my high horse because I'm perfect. Far from it. I've got my own mental illness I'm dealing with, AND postpartum depression. These are thoughts that I have had while not in the throws of my illness. When I'm not being controlled by it, I have seen THIS. That those around me are trying SO hard to help me. I've just learned to tune them out, and tune the set-talk in. And of course none of these "what people with (fill in the blank) want you to know" posts cover the unique needs and reactions, etc of everyone. For all I know there are people out there who could care less about mental illness. Typically though, if you're living with mental illness ( I refuse to say suffering. It feeds the negative self-talk. I won't feed that monster.) those around you are trying to reach out and love you. They just need a little more direct coaching on how to help YOU. They need the directions on what helps you. Because lets be honest; mental illness is not a "one size fits all" thing. We all live with it differently, have different triggers, respond to different things. Be kind to those trying to reach you. Look for them. They're there. And they are tired too. Sit down, lean on each other, and rest together for a while. Then you'll both have the energy to stand and fight the beast together.