I Needed You.

Friends will pick up the phone and call not because you asked them to, but because they know you need it. Friends keep you busy and make sure you're mind doesn't have too much time to think about it when They know your thoughts are your worse enemy. I have felt the sting of loss this week. Two in one week. Literally. My good friend is now gone. Died in a car accident because someone couldn't call a cab after having one too many. My sister is gone because of whatever reason. . . THat's still being looked into since it only happened a couple hours ago. We'll know once the medical examiner is done. Call it caloused, or call it survival. Really I'm waiting for you to get the hint that I need someplace to break down. I need you to hold me while I cry about this so I can pick it up and move forward. I need a moment where you stand beside me. Even if you don't want it to be as my companion do it as my friend! Because the only other person who would do this is a couple states away right now. I reached out because I needed someone I could trust to help me. The anger I feel from the loss tells me that it's pathetic that men who used and abused me were better at reaching out than you. The part of me that recognizes that anger has NOTHING to do with you knows you did what you feel comfortable doing right now. And knowing that I have the warped sense of death I have you are thinking about your own issues and problems knowing I'm just that sick. I may view death in a similar manner as Johnny the Homicidal Maniac but I'm telling you now. . . I need you to be my friend. I need you to be a better friend than you have been this last couple of weeks. I need a best friend. I know You've been that. I guess this is my sick way of saying thank you.