The Holding Pattern

I had a very candid and open discussion with a client of mine about the feelings involved in social distancing, and shelter-in-place/quarantine. She kept talking about how she felt like she was going crazy. Not losing her mind seeing people, and talking to invisible objects crazy. Just the "I think I might implode. Why am I so irritated? CAN YOU PLEASE STOP DOING THAT!" kind of crazy. Her normal, low-key, easy going self is gone. She feels distressed. She also happens to be a true extrovert. Even people who claim to be extroverts will tell you she's more extrovert than they are. This isolation is literally killing her. Thank heavens she can still come get on my table eh? Well, here's the thing. As I listened I recognized her feelings, and emotions. I did that super rude thing and interrupted. I said this; It feels like you're in this holding pattern of numbness. You know who you were, you know who you're going to be, but right now you're just stuck in this place of not being anything. The look on her face told me I would be forgiven my interruption because I had put words to what it was she was having trouble speaking. It's true. We are all in a state of perpetual depression. It's this holding pattern of functional depression that we know how to fix, but can't. We have no access to the things that will help us fix it. We can't go out and connect with friends. We can't get dressed up and go someplace special. We can't go get a facial, or our hair done, or go to the bar, or gun range, or even work. We are functionally taking care of our basic needs. We are doing things to help us maintain a certain level of health. But we all feel it. The darkness creeping in. We chase it back with feel good news stories, and videos of people learning to live around this new normal. But the darkness is there. Ever present. Waiting for a moment to pull us in. Wrap us in its long, dark, impenetrable mass and swallow us whole. We just keep circling in this holding pattern of twilight. Not truly dark, but not light either. Welcome to the world of functional depression. It's been my life for 6 years. My oldest child is 6 yrs old. It's not her fault, but it was her birth that started the hormonal chaos that has created the depression I've been living. This strange "I just want to be normal" feeling you all are having? This is my life. That "I just need to be able to get some work done!" or " I just cleaned that up!" or "how many times do you eat?" or " you have ANOTHER questions?!" that all you suddenly work from home parents are feeling? I live that. I live it with four delicate, impressionable little humans I made. It is my life. I work from home all the time. I never leave. I have been social distanced for 6 years due to this life of mine. I have no answers on how to keep the darkness at bay. I admit I'm not very good at it. I don't have healthy coping mechanisms for keeping your head above water. I resort to sarcasm, and dark humor, and food. Don't do what I do. They say you should find a hobby. I'm not really certain how to have a hobby if you have more than one child. I Clearly don't know how to do it, I am here with you. Just trying to maintain the holding pattern until I can find a solution. Just know, it's depression you're feeling. Face it with that knowledge. Hold your head high to keep it above the water.Maintain your holding pattern. You can do this. I've been doing it for six years. It's possible to live in this state. Just take one step at a time. Just do the next right step in the sequence of living.