Happy

Some people believe happiness to be a very specific moment. You have the job of your dreams, you've got a house with three rooms you don't even use, a dog( or cat), children, trophy spouse, and you go to the best coffee houses, etc. But does this really bring joy? Yes. For some people this is joy. It is an expectation that has been filled. That is all that is required to find joy. To have no unfulfilled expectations. Knowing this I have thought about my expectations. I expect to be loved, I expect to be disappointed from time to time, I expect to have days when I can't stand you but I love you anyway. I expect to be tired beyond belief until I get a vacation. I expect to be completely satisfied by the feeling of your arms around me. I expect to find nothing more pleasurable than your company. I expect to feel joy and happiness at these things and more simple moments. Why? Because to me, this IS good enough. Because this is what I want. Believe that these things do not deserve me, or that I deserve better if you wish. I don't not require nor want better. I want this.

The Show Must Go On

Paint up that pretty face and smile. No one will be the wiser that you have discovered the truth. We are indeed creatures of the underworld. We do not know happiness. We cannot afford to be happy. There are bills to pay and mouths to feed. We achieve nothing by the traditional means. There is no grace sufficient to save us. We sit here in the underworld entertaining those who come to our doors, only to watch them leave. None of them stay, and why should they? If they indeed did so we would be transported by such grace to above our station. Smile a beautiful smile and know that they are want to tell the difference. There is nothing so blind as the intentions of these beings descending their righteous throwns to dabble in our existence. And though, yet, you were once of them they have made clear the stain upon your soul and transparently so are their means by which you are not forgiven. No mention of the wrong having never been committed before nor thereafter. So paint that face up and indulge in the most capricious of play. You will never be more than what some one will pay for you. Whether they pay for the healing of body or mind it makes no difference, they will pay and you will be left. Your goal is to get into a position where they will pay great sums to use you. Then must you clean yourself up and persuade the next to pay the same great sum or more. You will never be forgiven. That has been made clear.